Soul Mate: Finding Yours, Deepening Existing, Connecting to God/Life


The Miracle Re-Viewed

Finding not just our Lifetime Partner

Finding a Soul Mate

On that magical day of June 20, 2015, Carol and I blossomed in our twelve hour “non-date” from sort of friends, to realizing with bliss and unbelief that we’d found the lifetime partner who the day before had seemed “almost impossible” to find.

“Almost” is the key word, because it allows, if we let it, that the miracle can slip through, no matter how small the odds.

We slipped through.

We found the mate.

What we didn’t realize, and one reason this book has needed so long to write, was that we had as well, even more wonderful, and absolutely necessary to a full human life, found a Soul Mate for the rest of our lives.

Now, let’s dispense with the ordinary meaning of Soul Mate quickly.

Usually it is a shortcut for saying we have found Someone who is Really Really Great. The famous Mr./ Mrs./ Ms. Right.

We get along. We have fun.

We have traded looks for money for fun for sexiness and have gotten ourselves, in reality a Resumé Mate.

Not a soul mate.

And sometimes the Resumé Mate ripens into a Soul Mate.

Usually not.

Two pretty/ smart/ hip (asleep) people buy the house, have the pretty children, go through the sleeping life and miss the amazing opportunity: create a soul mate connection with your mate mate. They drift through life with the children and their business to disguise the essential emptiness of their lives.

So be it.

This book is for those who want more than that.

This book is for Five Groups of People, 

  • People wanting to Find their Soul Mate

  • People wanting to Deepen or Discover or Rediscover the Soul Mate in their Marriage or Relationship

  • People wanting to Deepen the Soul Mate in Friendships

  • People wishing to leave behind Depression and Despair and return to connection with the Soul’s natural state of Peace, Love, Ease, Presence, Joy and Happiness

  • People wishing to Deepen their Soul’s connection with God/Life.

And let me share some of the components of how Carol and I were laying the foundation for Soul Mates, though we didn’t know it until later, and are now, almost daily, delighting in discovering what we have and didn’t back then know we would have.


We practiced deep listening

In the Now

One way that the hour and a half “meeting” morphed into a twelve hour feast and discovery triumph was that for several hours we listened to each other deeply.

We played a “game” from the book that I’d gone over to have Carol’s help with, as I’ve said before the precursor to this one.

What was the game?

One person talks for five minutes.

With a timer.

The other person is present

The other person “just” listens

No interrupting

Then you go the other way.

Back and forth.

This “game” subverts the usual non-listening that happens in most conversations, where each person is “thinking” of what they want/need to say, and waiting for the soonest chance to interrupt.

Real listening is soul work.

Listening in the present is soul work.

Listening to the birds outside: with yammer in your head, you won’t hear them.

Listening to your friend or lover: with yammer in your head, your oh-so-important interruption, you won’t hear them.

Listening to your Soul: with yammer in your head, you won’t hear it.


Wisdom quotes, setting the stage for a Lifetime’s work

“Be Still and Know I am God.”

From really listening to Carol I knew how she was searching for the depths of real Christianity. From a lifetime of dipping into the New Testament on the hunt for the spiritual heart of what is usually a formulaic bunch of narrow minded people, I knew there were diamonds of wisdom in there.

After several hours I asked this:

What are your favorite Bible quotes.

One of hers was Be still and know I am God.

If she’s wanted deliberately to seduce my mind and soul, she couldn’t have picked anything better.


For years and years, since 1966, I’d been in love with the Now.

And had discovered over the years that talking about the Now is not the same as living in the present.

The Now is our experience of the ongoing present moment without words about this ongoing experience.

The words are not in the now.

In other words, to be truly present meant :Be still and know I am God. 

Where God is Life in the glory of the miracle of the moment.


Wisdom verses, mine

Love Your enemy

Talk about Life long work. Loving your enemy sounds impossible.

It’s not.

But it’s real work.

It starts with both parents.

Without fail, those who haven’t learned to love their parents, no matter how imperfect and/or awful, can’t really have a Soul Mate.

They don’t have their own Soul yet.

Also, those who have not forgiven their “ex-“ can’t find their soul mate.

And “Loving Your enemy” is one of the reasons this book has taken so long for me to be prepared to let it loose into the world.

One reason was that I was not close enough to some clarity on Enlightenment to release a book titled Love, Lust and (Healthy) Enlightenment.

The other was that, very very normal, although I’d found my partner and soul mate, I still didn’t have yet the true clarity to love, like and adore her when she was in grumpy or mean or neglecting or otherwise imperfect states.

And Jesus, not enough of a fun guy/ joke maker for being a Rabi, a tribe of people usually full of jokes, has His closest thing to a joke (to my mind) in his remarks on LOVE YOUR ENEMY.



To that effect.

This is lifetime work.

This is why we have an imperfect mate.

They get to push our buttons, until every pushed button can turn on to love.


Listen to outside wisdom

The Brene Brown TED talk on Vulnerability

We listened to this twice in our twelve hours.

She had real wisdom to pass on.

Go ahead and be weak and admit it.

Go ahead and be afraid and admit it.

Go ahead and want something and admit it.

We turned to each other : 

What can we say in vulnerability.

I want you.

I can’t believe it but I think I’ve discovered the lifetime partner I thought was “almost impossible.”

We agreed.

The Miracle was happening. Almost or no almost, it was/ we were happening.