Finding and loving your Soul Mate
Carol and I found a soul mate.
Gratitudes set the groundswell.
Being ready and wanting a lifetime partner, and having mutual clarity on that allowed us to move forward.
And . . .
We were doing Soul work.
This seems kind of obvious, once you think/ feel/ realize about it.
IF YOU AREN’T DOING SOUL WORK, AND LOOKING FOR A PERSON LIKEWISE DOING SOUL WORK, AND DON’T DISCOVER AND ENJOY DOING SOUL WORK TOGETHER - - - NO WAY, JOSE, YOU AREN’T GOING TO FIND A SOUL MATE
This became starkly clear watching a friend of Carol’s go through online dating, supposedly to find a life partner (marriage as the goal), and a lifetime partner with spiritual compatibility (a go to church and pretty much buy into it all Christina). She was texting.
She was dating.
And what were the dates about?
More or less a job interview of looks and income and church membership.
And no soul work.
And when we asked her to join us in meditation: no thanks, texts to do, or a book to read.
Dates are interesting and I have found DATING IS A WASTE OF TIME IF YOU WANT TO FIND A REAL PARTNER.
I’ve had maybe six really great women in my life and zero came from dating, or from online.
Life will send you someone.
Someone at a dance.
Someone at a park where you are watching a performance.
Someone buying a house down the block from you, a house you too are in love with.
Someone at a meeting of white people trying to figure out how to move against racism without the usual go into the ghettos and “help” the dark folk.
Someone who is teaching a yoga class, that you just “happen” to go to because someone invites you and you never go to yoga, but decide to say “yes” for the sake of saying yes.
Someone in the house behind a fence you are building that is interested in a conversation on design.
None of these planned.
All of them gifts from Life.
LIFE COULD BE ANOTHER NAME FOR GOD.
MULL/ INTUIT THIS A BIT.
DON’T “THINK” ABOUT IT.
EXCEPT WITH YOUR HEART.
What was the beautiful chance Carol and I gave ourselves to discover, on that magical one and a half hour lunch meeting that turned into twelve hour discovery session?
In the present.
We spend at least three hours playing a “game” that is one of the best for finding out what another person is really about.
You talk for three minutes. Or four. Or, on that day, five.
I am present.
I am following my breathing and looking at you.
I do NOT interrupt.
I make an attempt to NOT think of any responses.
Then I talk for three four five minutes.
I do NOT comment/ help/ hold forth/ give “advice”/ one up anything you said.
I search inside.
What is important.
I make an attempt to be present when talking (very hard, very rewarding. Don’t believe me: make it a central “game” of your life).
I look you in the eye.
I don’t have to hurry, since you won’t interrupt.
I discover as you do, what’s important to me.
I discover, as you do, what’s important to you, as your turns unfold.
This is soul work.
Love is listening, paying attention, caring what another person is really about.
This is almost never done on dates.
Instead it’s all about resume virtues.
As opposed to eulogy virtues.
Mull/ intuit/ don’t think about that.
AND WHAT ELSE DID CAROL AND I DO ON THAT MAGICAL DAY TO SET FORWARD OUR LIVES AS SOUL MATES.
Toward the end of our back and forth taking turns talking, I asked: what are your favorite Bible verses?
You can ask a question in your turn.
You keep talking unless the timer rings.
They don’t have to answer unless they wish.
Hers was from Psalms:
Be still and know I am God.
That made my heart and soul sing.
In silence is real meditation.
In silence is freedom from the judgments that subvert love and friendship.
In silence in real connection with God/ Life/ Reality.
Ah, she could be the one for me.
What was mine?
The age old imperative, so little achieved:
LOVE YOUR ENEMY.
Very little practiced by so-called Christians, but core to real soul work.
As Jesus says, to paraphrase wildly: anyone can love someone who’s treating you well.
When they make life hell/ hard/ annoying/ infuriating for you, and you can still love them, then your love muscles are for real.
Carol could sense the power of this as an aim and a life/ soul goal.
And . . . we are still working on these.
Finding the love behind the nonsense of hurt and judgements.
And the obvious: once you have a partner, soul mate or not, you can do your mutual soul work.
There are many forms:
Cleaning up old grudges.
And . . fun.
Having mindful fun.
Vs mindless fun.
Vs numbing out fun.
As part of your soul work.
With your soul mate.