Sensuality and Sexuality . . . Mindful makes Real

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Week Two - - - Day Eighteen

Lust/ Sensuality/ Sex as Wonderful Chances for

Mindfulness (vs addiction)


And let’s be honest: Pleasure feels good.

In fact, one of the reasons often denied in anyone’s “War on Drugs” is that drugs work. To some extent. They can be fun. They certainly boot you out of whatever you want to escape. They tend to be more reliable than most people.

And, basically . . . drugs and alcohol as ongoing crutches suck.

Except for my drug of choice, of course, which is coffee.

Or two drugs of choice, quite wonderful together with some cinnamon and stevia and ginger to brighten things up . . . coffee and cacao. Raw cacao. Cold brew coffee.

We could have a whole chapter on starting your day like that, and in the next book we probably will. 


And . . . we (I) digress. This is a chapter about mindful sensuality and mindful sexuality.

And pleasure is good.

And having pleasure be your reward for being more mindful is kind of a sweet path toward some of the Earthy side of Enlightenment.


And let’s start with a game you can play every night for the rest of your life.


Mindful Sensuality Opportunity #1

Sleep naked

Every night

Alone, or even better, with a partner


If you are alone and cold . . . add more blankets.

If you are with a partner and cold . . . add more blankets and snuggle more.


How to make this mindful.

Feel the points of contact. If you are alone, feel where you are touching the sheets, both above and below.

If you are touching with another person, where are you touching? It’s usually more than one place, and even a seemingly single place, say a belly to a back, there is a lot of spots on each to feel.

Feel it just as it is.

Since we are mammals and love to touch other warm blooded animals, enjoy this.

And love. Love wants to connect, doesn’t it?


And this is much more important than you might realize.

This nightly touch is a kind of food that is deeply nourishing.

And . . .

Don’t believe me. Try it for a couple of weeks, and see what happens.


And . . . 

Here’s something to get into the “learning” of breaking our habits, and discovering what is different when you do something different.

And what . . . can we add to the sleep together gift to make it even more of a gift.

When things are different we tend to pay attention.

And not being in a rut, we have certain parts of our body and our mind alert.

Like what?

Like this . . . 


Sensuality Game for Your Night Together #2

Alternate the side of the bed that you sleep on

That’s it.

(PS, you might need to have some sort of object you move from side to side each morning to remember when night comes around. We use a lavender stuffed panda who watches over us each night from a different side of the headboard-is thing)


And, onward and inward and pleasure ward 


Sensuality Game for your Mate #3

Pick a big area of your body, your right arm, your left leg, your back, your neck.

Ask your partner to rub, touch and explore this for five minutes.

Avoid as much as possible massage, especially the sort of gouging and “trying to release” work that falls into this category.

Touch, though, in lots of different ways. Softer than usual. Slower than usual. With vastly more awareness than usual.

Have fun being present to the point of contact.

Both be present to the point of contact.

That’s what this game, and most mindful sensuality and sexuality is about: don’t aim for some outcome. Notice in the moment, where the point of contact is.

Enjoy that.

Enjoy that a lot.


And this can be enough for today.

Except for this very important addition to the whole sex discussion


Sexuality and Health and Anti-Aging.

The man should climax almost as little as possible.

Once every hundred times has been suggested.

The woman, if she can climax without trying, or straining, or even “wanting” it, but merely as a side effect of staying present to the pleasure of the points of contact, can gain great benefit from plenty of climaxing.

She won’t need it, because the point of contact will be intensely pleasurable.

And he, the guy, will definitely need to go against the grain of plunging ahead, and pushing himself over the top.

Or, if the top is approaching too rapidly, he needs to simply stop. To stay still. To let the thrill and urge die back a little.

This will take some doing.


And he will discover amazing rewards.

Find out for yourself what they are, but for starters here is one … he will be far more willing and able to have a love encounter again soon.

And there is more.

Chinese books talk of this.

I don’t read them much.

And I do recommend you try this for couple of months, refraining from male climax for at least two months.

Sounds rigorous.

It’s not really.

And . . . as always, don’t believe me . . . find out for yourself.


Enjoy your day.