March 5, 2019 - - - 3rd Anniversary
Can marriage get better and better and better?
Yes . . .
and . . .
The fun thing about finding Carol was the miracle of someone so smart and charming and fun just down the block. That she was as smitten with me as I was with her has a name . . . falling in love.
And it is like falling. The bottom slips away, the old world disappears, and you fall, together, holding hands/ kissing/ making love into the blissful world of loving and being loved.
And guess what?
That’s the whole world when it is as it’s meant to be. Everyone loves you. You love everyone.
And waking up to that with one special person . . . wow.
You live in the present, so fascinated with the other.
You actually listen.
You are heard.
You are hearing.
You take chances, try new things, share hidden feelings and memories. It’s like being a kid again, where things and feelings and thoughts don’t need to be hidden.
And the love making keeps the endorphins going.
And the endorphins keep the living in the present and the expansion and fun and exploration going.
Which you just know won’t end. No, not like those other couples you know about, that bicker silently or aloud, or are bored with each other, or are in routines far more important than the bliss of being with and loving and delighting in life with the partner.
No, your honeymoon won’t end.
And then, damn.
And here’s the turning point.
Two major choices:
Oh, poor me, bad you, our honeymoon is over and you are ruining it.
Oh goodie. . . I suspected that I had more hidden garbage and unconscious patterns that need to get cleared up if I am going to be truly awake and loving in this lifetime. Thank you, thank you, Life (and partner) for this chance.
And let’s have a little fun with something I thought I knew, and it wasn’t deeply understood.
You could even say, and this is a failing many of us fall into, I had knowledge and I didn’t have wisdom.
The knowledge I had, not yet wisdom was this . . .
You can be either mindful or mindless.
Which means, in a relationship, UNLESS YOU BOTH HAD PERFECT PARENTS, YOU ARE GOING TO GET INTO TROUBLE UNLESS YOU ARE MINDFUL.
If you are mindless, and everything is coasting along, great.
If you are mindless and stress comes up, you have to revert to a programmed response. You are not mindful to make a choice. No one is really home and so the automatic programs have to be what we resort to.
And where do we get our deepest and strongest automatic programs ?
M - O - M and D - A- D.
And so, with perfect parents, if we fall back on Mom and Dad, we are fine, because they reacted to stress with humor and understanding the other person and a curiosity about what is really going on.
And so we do too.
With two sets of perfect parents.
And, guess what?
This doesn’t happen very often.
And so, here we are, stuck in old patterns.
And have Carol and I found ourselves there?
And are we getting better and better at getting out?
And how did we do this?
Guess what? This book is work for you, AND work for me, AND work for Carol
Life is work, and one of life’s smarter goals is to enjoy the work and to be present in the work and to keep learning and learning and learning how to be present and effective in our work.
And this work . . . the work of having a marriage get better and better and better after the honeymoon is over . . . is one of the best and most wonderful in life.
Enjoy your day.