Day Two: Touch
We are mammals, touch is nourishing for us all
If sex is to get better and better, ordinary touch is the place to start
Hands, faces, feet: go slowly
Mindful touch is a miracle gift to ourselves and to others
We need touch.
We starve without touch.
We are mammals.
If you don’t have a partner, try to hug two or three people a day.
If you can’t hug two or three people a day, hug a tree or two. Shake hands.
Whether in a couple or not, let’s start with a self-massage, one hand touches the other one in awareness and exploration.
Touching Exercise #1: Hands
One hand touches/ caresses/ explores the other.
Set a timer. Two minutes.
Use your non-dominant hand as the “giving hand.”
Use your dominant hand as the “receiving hand.”
(E.g., if you are right handed, the left hand will caress/ touch/ explore the right hand. If left handed, your right hand will caress/ touch/ explore your left hand.)
For two minutes, go slowly, and explore one hand with the other.
Use three actions:
Tap tap tap with your fingers
THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF SACRED AND MINDFUL SEX.
Go for two minutes. Feel deeply the point of contact.
Feel your whole self, too.
Feel down to your feet as you caress. Feel your ribs and your breathing and your hands. Feel your neck and the air coming in and out of your nose.
Go so slowly that noticing becomes your whole world.
If you begin to “think” ( as the words in our heads that we falsely call “thinking”) you are wasting time, notice that. And come back to the present of being present to one hand with the other.
When it’s over, notice the difference in the two hands.
With a few notes, perhaps, right here…
PS: What is the receiving hand grateful for? What is the giving hand grateful for? You might add that to your gratitude journal.
If you have a partner doing this with their own hands at the same time, share your awarenesses.
This is simple.
Except…. notice your resistance: do I have two minutes to be nice to myself? (What if you got shocking and spend 4 or 6 minutes caressing one hand/ exploring one hand/ being present with one hand and the other? Could you stand it?)
Do you feel silly, to be being kind and loving to yourself?
Notice the gratitude of the hand receiving.
Notice the gratitude and learning of the hand giving.
Be alert: how well do you think this would help your connection to your partner?
If you don’t have a partner, notice how this might help you connect to a partner when you do have one. ( If you want that. )
Touching Exercise #2: Arms
Touch one arm with your hand from the other side.
Then do the other way.
Again: Three actions
1. Squeeze: go up and down the arm with loving, curious squeezes
Rub with the palm cupping around your other arm
Rub with the little finger side of you stroking arm
3. Tap tap
Either with your fingertips
Or, a light and happy slap slap
Do this for one minute, or more on each arm
This again, is it a “waste of time?”
Or a delight.
Believe me: this wakes up the energy in the hand that is giving and in the arm that is receiving
This is a great thing to do when waiting in line, or as a passenger of a car, or when you are sitting at a computer and want to come back to NOW and to YOUR BODY
As before, doing this at the same time as a partner: good.
As always, ding this “alone:” Good.
Bodies are very full. We have feet to walk on. Ribs to breathe. Hands to touch and move and caress and explore. Heads to hold our eyes and ears and tongue and nose.
And a brain.
That loves to learn.
And can be fooled into keeping everything the same.
And can be taught to help make us miserable by filling it with complaining words.
More or all that later.
For now, let’s move the touch out to our feet.
REMEMBER: THE FEET ARE AS FAR AWAY FROM THE HEAD AS WE CAN GET IN OUR BODY.
BE HAPPY AND LOVE YOUR FEET
Touch Exercise #3: Touch your feet
For at least one minute each
- Squeeze, all sorts of areas of your foot
- Rub in two ways: with the palm side of your hand, with the little finger side
- Tap tap in a more foot like way: use your thumb to rub/press a bit of a firm circle into a three or four or five areas on the bottom side of your foot
Let both feet feel the love
You loving yourself
This is good.
You are good.
Three areas of our body
One: Below the navel
Two: Mid section, torso and arms and hands
Getting to all of these, more or less at once is what being NOW, will be about in this book.
This can be part of your meditation.
This can be part of your walking down the street.
This can be, and this is hard, being awake when at the computer or texting.
Most people go completely asleep when they talk.
Try, right now, to sense your feet as you read this.
SEX IS FAR FAR BETTER WHEN WE ARE BOTH IN ALL OF OUR BODY.
And now, the top layer for touching.
Touch exercise #4: Touch face, neck and head.
Rub your neck.
Rub your face.
Rub your scalp.
Tap tap your neck
Tap tap your face.
Tap tap your scalp.
Squeeze — lightly — your neck
Squeeze — lightly — your face
Squeeze — lightly — your scalp
You pick a time amount and set a timer.
Smile and breathe deeply and easily as you do this.
Even better: add on sensing your feet as you do this.