Touch, plus mindfulness, plus gratitude


Day Four:

Back to increasing the chances of radically wonderful sex.

Touch a face with mindfulness.

Hold hands and share present awareness PLUS gratitude.

Love, lust, enlightenment in easy increments



We need to connect. At the level of touch. Below the level of words.

Add present awareness and you have mindful touch.

Add being present and you are well on the way to the greatest gift you can give another: your real presence.



So, let’s combine touch and gratitude and present awareness.


Find someone you like, or love, or are willing to get closer to.

Find a way to agree to about ten minutes of time in the present moment, amplified by touch.

If you absolutely have no one around, wait, or go touch a tree.

This is a little weird, but so what: Life is Life.

And the Now is certainly always the Now.


Touch and Awareness and Gratitude Game

Try this in two ways:

One, without touching/ holding hands.

Two, with touch/ holding hands.


Set a timer for two minutes.

First time through: don’t hold hands.

Take turns. Each person share

  1. Three gratitudes.
  2. Three “Now I am aware….” statements, with one being
  3. The bottom layer, below the navel… “Now I am aware..”
  4. The middle layer, arms and fingers and ribs and chest and spine and breathing. One report from the now…. “Now I am aware….”
  5. The head layer. Something you see, or hear, or sense on your face, or feel in your mouth or notice in your breathing….”Now I am aware…”
  6. Then they go back to three gratitudes
  7. And three more “Now I am aware …. “ from the bottom up

The timer rings.

Two minutes the other way: gratitude plus three “Now I am aware…” and more gratitude and three “Now I am aware…”


Then smile and breathe.

Hold hands.

Do the same thing again, two minutes each: 

Three gratitudes

Three, “Now I am aware…” from the bottom up.

Three gratitudes.

Three, “Now I am aware…”


Do a two minute turn each.

Notice and share with each other

One: The impact of doing this with or without touching. (It IS a bit rare to be both present and grateful with another person)

Two: The difference that holding hands made.


We need to touch.

We need to share gratitudes.

We need to be present.

We need to breathe and look into each others eyes.

We need to slow down.


This is what I say.

Don’t believe me.

Test these statements all out in your life and see if they are true.

Find reality in reality.


What a concept.

I like it:




Lust as a symbol of sex, is a start.

Sex without love is a mess.

Sex without mindfulness is like all of life without mindfulness: a waste.


Don’t believe me.


And here’s a way to begin to have awakened sex, in a non-genital way.

Sex often gets waylaid in being so oriented to the genitals. We will actually improve this a little later with a non-reciprocal stroking of the woman’s clitoris, but even here, the goal will be for both to be aware, in the moment, of the effects of this THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE BODY.


For starters though, for making out, for hugging, for just laying in bed naked together and exulting in whatever touch is happening, the practice of awareness throughout your whole body is immense.


Let’s start at a very simple level: touch plus awareness in three levels.


Love plus Lust Plus Enlightenment Game #2:

—- Touching your Partner’s Face

Being aware of three levels

Set the timer for five minutes.

Stroke, caress, explore, massage your partner’s face for three minutes.

Each person keep awareness:

One, at the point of contact

Two: in all three layers of the body… below the waist, and in the middle layer, and at the top, the face level, where there will be a lot of awareness

For the one touched.

But each person: the toucher, too, notice bottom, middle and top level as you caress/ massage/ explore


Then shift and go five minutes the other way

Again both people noticing all three levels


After you have done this several times, you can add on noticing out loud awareness in all three levels as one strokes and caresses the other’s face.

Take turns.

Have the main focus on the sensations of touch in the present.


Notice the amplification (or not) of noticing out loud your awareness, both as the “receiver” and as the “giver.”


When done, just rest and breathe a bit.




This can now be one of your two touching options each day.

Will this lead to better sex?

Find out.

Will this lead to more sex?

Find out.

Will this lead us out of the misery of no body = nobody?