Improving Love right Away—
Gratitude and Goals
On June 20, 2015, I walked half a block down my street in Austin, Texas, to meet a woman I knew and admired and liked, but with whom I thought I had no “romantic” expectations. I had met her a mere three months before, in March. She had moved to Austin in February. Now in June it was a gentle summer’s day, and we were going to meet for a lunch and study session. I was writing a book on radical listening. She was smart and kind and I wanted her input. Her name was Carol Williams then.
It’s Carol Elms now.
We thought we were meeting for an hour and a half. For lunch and a bit of her help on a book I was writing, the precursor to this one.
Twelve hours later, at one am, as I pried myself out the door, to walk the half block back to my home, we both were almost certain we’d met the future lifetime partner that had a day before seemed “almost impossible” to find. I’d written an “almost impossible goal” to find a fabulous woman within walking distance. And an “almost impossible goal” to find a lifetime partner at 70 years old. Carol had been praying for a life partner. And then… the miracle seemed to be happening.
And even with goals and prayers, I don’t think this “miracle” would have happened without our both being immersed in gratitude. Why?
We all thrive in gratitude…
On that day becoming night together, and since then, the practice of gratitude was a deeply embedded part of both our lives. Then, as now, I was writing in a “gratitude journal” at least twice, often three or four or five times, a day. Carol, on that miracle day, had a steady background prayer life, of which gratitude and thanks was a significant part. Now she has a gratitude journal, too. Will you soon get a gratitude journal? Only if you want transformation as deeply and easily as possible.
Don’t believe me, or anyone. Test drive gratitude right now.
Mini-game: Think of 3 things you are grateful for. Does something shift?
How does this work?
The Power of Gratitude
Gratitude focuses our hearts and minds on what we like and love in life, what is going well in our life, what we are thankful for and want more of. Instead of wasting time and mental energy on worry or complaining, gratitude allows us to look at life from a peaceful and open heart. With an eager heart alert to what has gone well in the past, we are primed to be looking forward to more “good stuff” unfolding each day.
Modern research has shown what ancient wisdom has long suspected: the brain (and person) can be in either fear or gratitude.
Carol and I were tuned in to what we appreciated about our lives. This made it far easier to tune into what we could appreciate in the other person. And then, twelve hours after I’d walked in the door, we reluctantly dragged ourselves apart amazed that we might well have found the “almost impossible.”
Dear reader, let’s jump into action.
This book will have a lot of “games.” They are actions you take in real time.
They take time. They could/ should be fun.
Give this book 3 days. “Play” the “games.”
They will change your life.
Day One: gratitude and goals.
Day Two: Touch, the foundation of a fantastic sex life(and frequent… us old timers have blissed into once, twice, three times a day).
Day Three: Being Present, especially in the 90% of us below the neck. Good for enlightenment. Great for sex. And, believe it or not, crucial in creating maintaining real love. Because relationships always get funky, and unless both of us had perfect parents, we will have a choice: to go into our parents’ bad habits, or to wake up in the Now to our wish to be in reaction, and to shift to something else.
For one, to shift to gratitude.
Day One: Love and Gratitude Game #1: SAYING GRATITUDES ALOUD
If you have a partner, or a willing friend, ask them to join you.
Notice how you are feeling now.
Say aloud five things you are grateful for. Feel your heart as you say these five.
Then the other takes a turn.
Notice how you are feeling now.
Share with each other the shift this made, this simple speaking aloud and sharing of five gratitudes. (PS, you can say more if you wish)
If you are alone, jot down here a few reminder sentences on what shifted by saying five gratitudes aloud.
My notes on the differences I noticed….
Really, do it now. This is not a book to “just read” and imagine “doing it” later. This is not a book of “good ideas” for you to give your “screwed up” friends. This is a transformation manual for those who want even more amazing life.
Which is you, right?
Or is it?
The “impossible” goal of a fantastic woman within walking distance may or may not have had a part in Carol’s appearing just down the block.
And, I have a sneaking suspicion that unconsciously, it was one of the reasons I’d set up the hour and a half lunch that turned into our twelve hour “non-date” that showed us there was the partner right down the street that we’d almost been afraid to wish for.
Since I was writing goals, not just for a walking distance woman, but the type of woman: kind and generous, and the kind of relationship we could have: present and full of discovery and sharing.
WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS?
IN AWAKENING/ LIVING IN THE PRESENT/ HELPING THE WORLD/ ENLIGHTENMENT?
Goals are not just for New Year’s Day.
They are for every day.
So what you write in this next “game” isn’t locked in stone.
AND… it is a pointer to what you’d like to get out of this book and what transformations and miracles and changes and expansions you’d like in your own life.
So, without taking it as the end statements,
Goals Game #1: Deepening for those with a Partner
Write goals for love and connection and “bouncing back” with your mate, with your friends, with everyone you meet.
What would you like your Love to be like? How much romance? How much friendship? What kinds of things would you like to do more of together? What kind of ease and support and humor would you like to increase? Are there resentments you’d love to release? What would increasing the sweetness of your relationship be like?
Write these all as goals.
Goals Game #1.5: Love if you don’t have a partner YET
How would you like connection to be MORE wonderful with your friends?
Looking for your Soul Mate:
What qualities would you like your relationship to have?
What qualities would you like your partner to have?
What goals for working on yourself in the relationship do you have?
Write these all as goals.
Back to gratitudes.
And noticing the difference that being in gratitude makes.
Core to this book is an understanding of real learning. Real learning is noticing a difference that makes a difference.
Real learning is noticing a difference that makes a difference.
Learning is not taking in anything by rote.
Learning is a shift that makes a difference. And being aware of the shift.
As I’ve said above, you can be grateful or you can be in fear. Can you feel a shift in you when you say gratitudes aloud? Let’s try an even more sure fire way of shifting our energy to being a happier and more loving person. Standing. Letting ourselves feel our more full bodies as we speak gratitudes.
Let’s try again to notice a difference that makes a difference :
Day One : Love and Gratitude Game #2: STANDING GRATITUDES
Notice how you are feeling now.
Stand up. Best if you do this with your mate. If you have one.
Say: Hey, let’s do some standing gratitudes.
Then do them….
If there is a window available that has a view of Nature, please go there.
Or, if your life is such that walking out into Outside, to see nature, or going out to actually , Stand in Nature, so much the better.
Feel your body standing up.
Say aloud, five gratitudes. The same ones. New ones. If you can be watching Nature at the same time all the better.
Notice any difference.
If you are alone, jot down here a few reminder sentences on what shifted by saying five gratitudes aloud.
My notes on the differences I noticed….
As, before, if you do this with a mate, take turns. Go outside together if you can. Share the aloud gratitudes and share a bit on what difference that made.
When you do this, it’s such a nice excuse to be upright. It’s a nice excuse to realize: we are in a body much bigger than the thing above our necks. It’s a nice excuse to return to our hearts. It’s a nice excuse to realize this: life can be pretty wonderful.
Do you feel different after doing these two games?
Carol and I were actively involved in this gratitude business, as I’ve said. Her prayers, were real prayers, which meant they weren’t all of the “help me” type. They had a huge chunk of “Thank You.”
And some prayers were of the “Help my Life find the life partner I’m looking for.”
Someone once said prayers are of three types:
It’s best to start with thanks.
And it’s honest to ask for what your heart deeply wants.
In fact, this is the deeper meaning of the Lust in the title: what does your life and the deeper and Real You long for, yearn for, want?
So now, back to Goals:
Goals Game #2: What do you lust for?
In your own heart of hearts, what are you Deep Goals for your Life?
As a couple, what do you lust for as the highest form your life together could be.
And, as a couple, what would you like/ want your sex life to be?
Goals Game #2.5 If you don’t have a partner YET.
What does your heart of heart lust for as a guide to your expansion in your whole Life?
What is your heart lust for the deepest relationship you could have?
What is your good old fashioned yearning for fabulous sex? How often? What would it be like? Are you willing for it to be better than you could ever imagine?
(Ours certainly is. Before twice a month and twice a week were the norms for us. Now twice a day is about average. There will be plenty of hints in this book how to make that happen, and the start is fun: rub hands, hold hands. Start with touch and miracles can happen. That’s day two)
Back to gratitudes:
When Carol and I had our twelve hour miracle non-date, one of the things we did was share our favorite verses from the Bible.
One of mine is Philippians 4:4, which goes something like:
Be happy in everything.
Be anxious in nothing.
Offer up your Thanks before you offer up your petitions.
Which is to say: Gratitude first.
And as I’ve said, when Carol and I had our miracle day, I was writing one, two, three times a day in a gratitude journal.
Now it’s time for today’s third gratitude game.
Write in a journal.
You might have a journal around, or even some half used one. Cross out the old title.
Label it the gratitude journal.
You’ll have lots and lots before you’re through.
(No journal? Good. Get any piece of paper and write some gratitudes.
Here we go.
It can take less than a minute.
This will be something in which to start every day for the rest of your life.
Gratitude Game #3: Write
Get a paper or a journal
Write five gratitudes or more.
If a lined journal, leave a line between each line of writing
Write big and slow and feel your hand moving, and see the letters forming.
Read them over.
I asked for three days to jump in and change your life. Writing gratitudes every day will change your life.
Saying them aloud to a friend or to Nature will change your life.
Writing goals each day will change your life, though we’ll need to make sure that ease and presence are part of how they come about.
Goals Game #3:
Write your goals for being present.
Look at the goals you’ve already written and perhaps add: as I do this I am present and happy the entire time.
Write your goals for being happy, and not the lollipop happy of a child getting sweets or the weak happiness of an adult getting their way. But the deep happiness of being happy even when “things aren’t going your way.”
What would that be like?
What would it be like to be aware all day?
And in joy?
Write goals for presence and joy.
And add on the world. Real enlightenment isn’t just about us, it’s about “Saving the World” and Being in Service in a non-anguished and loving and happy and present way.
Don’t think about that too much.
Just include some goals for the betterment of the world.
And so there you go: Three ways to be more grateful.
Three ways to point your heart toward what you want in Love, what you want in Lust and what you want in Enlightenment.
This takes some time, this transforming your life game.
Most days won’t have six games and gratitude and goals gets you kicked started into the new life that I hope you want for yourself.
And if you want more to do until tomorrow, write more gratitudes. Write more goals.
Find yourself two journals.
And, take a walk in Nature.
With your partner if you have one.
With your connection to gratitude if you are alone.
With your connection to gratitude if you have a a partner.
Day Two: Touch
We are mammals, touch is nourishing for us all
If sex is to get better and better, ordinary touch is the place to start
Hands, faces, go slow
Mindful touch is a miracle gift to ourselves and to others
We need touch.
We starve without touch.
We are mammals.
If you don’t have a partner, try to hug two or three people a day.
If you can’t hug two or three people a day, hug a tree or two. Shake hands.
Whether in a couple or not, let’s start with a self-massage, one hand touches in awareness and exploration the other one.
Touching Hands Game #1: One hand touches/ caresses/ explores the other.
Set a timer. Three minutes. (Seems “long.” And, do you deserve three minutes of self-kindness?)
Use your non-dominant hand as the “giving hand.”
Use your dominant hand as the “receiving hand.”
(E.g., if you are right handed, the left hand will caress/ touch/ explore the right hand. If left handed, your right hand will caress/ touch/ explore your left hand.)
For three minutes, go slowly, and explore one hand with the other.
THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF SACRED AND MINDFUL SEX.
Go for three minutes. Feel down to your feet as you caress. Feel your ribs and your breathing and your hands. Feel your neck and the air coming in and out of your nose.
Go so slowly that noticing yourself and the other at the same time becomes your whole world.
If you feel / “think” ( as the words in our heads that passes as thinking, but isn’t) you are wasting time, notice that. And come back to the present of being present to one hand with the other.
When it’s over, notice the difference in the two hands.
With a few notes, perhaps, right here…
PS: What is the receiving hand grateful for? What is the giving hand grateful for? You might add that to your gratitude journal.
If you have a partner doing this with their own hands at the same time, share your awarenesses.
This is simple.
Except…. notice your resistance: do I have three minutes to be nice to myself?
Do you feel silly, to be being kind and loving to yourself?
Notice the gratitude of the hand receiving.
Notice the gratitude and learning of the hand giving.
Be alert: how well do you think this would help your connection to your partner?
If you don’t have a partner, notice how this might help you connect to a partner when you do have one. ( If you want that. )
And… if you do have a partner, this is a wonderful beginner’s step to having sex every day: You rub/ caress/ explore their hand for three minutes. They do the same for you.
Touching your Partner’s Hand, for three minutes:
The beginnings of Mindful and Fabulous Sex
One of the greatest shortfalls in normal, and often boring, and frequently avoided, sex, is that it almost entirely genital and is all supposed to be wham bam full speed almost instantly.
Very little, if any, time is devoted to letting one partner be the recipient, the receiver, the you-are-being-loved one.
This is tragic. Non-reciprocal sex is hugely important.
Non-reciprocal sex is hugely important.
How do I know that?
I spent a year in an amazing borderline cult that had a bead on a glorious practice, a practice geared toward Female Orgasm. As a meditation.
Stroking the clitoris to be exact, without any climaxing goal. With the man full clothed. With the woman half clothed.
The organization was a mess, but the idea of letting the woman be the pure recipient for pleasure at that point of contact, which is very gentle and very slow, and mindful for both people. A point of immense pleasure.
And one is the recipient. Free from the usual: how is my partner doing programming.
One is the “giver,” except that in being aware and in the moment “giving” because it’s own peaceful meditation.
And that’s where we are headed with rubbing our partner’s hand?
It part of it.
Another part is that this in itself is deeply pleasurable. And you can do this in public on a park bench. Not such a great place for storing a clitoris, no matter how slowly or gently or mindfully.
So, let’s play with touching another person…
Day Two: Touch game #2:
Partners Take 3 minute turns touching/ caressing/ exploring one of the other person’s hands.
The giver uses two hands.
Be curious and exploratory.
Sense your body in all three levels (below the navel, navel to neck, above the neck) as you give.
Listen to what you feel as you give.
Receiver: listen not just to what you are receiving in your hand, but to what is happening at all three levels of your body.
After the three minutes take a bit of a break with several deep deep breaths.
Then go the other way, before talking.
Then another break.
And then share, how was this as a giver. How was this to be the receiver.
Here’s a crucial deal.
I’m going to say what your body and soul wants to hear: do this every day.
I’m going to say what your “I’m too busy” robot will hate to hear: do this every day.
I’m going to say something the stuck in your rut you will love and hate to hear: do this every day.
The brain: one use, to stay true to habits. Good use: not having to relearn walking. Bad use: thinking the same negative thought over and over about our partner or ourselves or our parents, or.…
The brain, best use: discover what happens new and now when you do, try, open to, explore, something new.
Not really an aside:
(Why do we live together?
- the friendship of good talk,
- the bliss of good sex,
- the growth of woking through the crap all couples have)
So, let’s increase the friendship level of your relationship by combining the sharing of gratitudes, which opens our heart, and the sharing of touch, which allows our bodies to soften back into what we know so deeply: touch is essential to being human and at ease.
Touch game #3:
Set a timer for two minutes.
Share gratitudes back and forth, five at a time.
Then, for three minutes
Take turns saying five gratitudes.
Then listening to five gratitudes.
Back and forth.
Feeling the connection.
Hearing the gratitudes.
Feel the difference that sharing gratitudes makes when you don’t hold hands and when you DO hold hands.
Crucial to this book is learning.
Learning is noticing a difference that makes a difference.
Saying gratitudes makes a difference.
What did you notice?
Touching while saying gratitudes makes a difference.
What did you notice?
Bring this into your life.
At least twice.
Some sort of touch: hand caressing, hold hands sharing gratitudes.
More to come.
There will be sexier versions of touch.
These are always great to fall back onto.
Twice a day.
Try it twice a day and let your souls discover.
Day Three: Enlightenment is now
At any moment we can come back into the present.
This is one of the miracles of now: it’s always here. No waiting. No standing in line. No required uniform, age, health status, money requirements. You are always you. Always now.
What’s that like?
Experience your now, now, the you of being alive right now. What do you notice?
What difference does that make?
This is one of the most significant differences we can notice in life: what happens when we shift to “waking up” to our experience of this moment in this moment.
Let’s give ourselves, right away a present of the present game that roots us in our body.
When I was young, sports and being outdoors and swimming and the usual fun of life was my unknown way of being present. By “unknown,” I mean that I wasn’t “trying” to be present, but that this just came naturally to the territory of being a child.
This, of course, is why we like to be around the young so much: they are present and they are delighted to be present and they remind us how good and easy this world can be.
Later, sex came along, and had a somewhat thrilling way of being present and of connecting to another person. It was a balance to over-studying and a life where I was pretty hooked on thinking that my thinking and my getting grades and the whole “what are you going to do with your life” game where who I really was.
Then, a breakthrough of a somewhat sloppy form came along, but maybe it’s the only way that could have worked for an over-intellectual lunk head like me.
Walking across the plaza at Stanford one fall afternoon in 1965, a friend casually asked me: Do you want some acid?
Acid, of course, was LSD, and this was before it was either a big deal in the save the world way, or a big deal in the Bad Trips will Drive you Crazy way.
So, I said yes, not really sure what I was getting into.
And a couple of weeks later, with a guide who had “done” this before, we “dropped” and listened to the Loving Spoonful.
And nothing happened.
And he said, don’t worry.
And nothing happened.
And he said, it’s coming.
And nothing happened.
And then the world opened, and the music was from heaven and everything from the apartment was in heaven, and when we took a walk all the street lights and trees and plants and people walking around, everything was perfect and some beautiful part of “God,” whatever “God” was.
I didn’t think about “God” in those days, before this, but that night God seemed at the core of everything and everything seemed God, and everything was beautiful and nothing could be explained and that was just fine.
And God was very much the feeling that his musical note, right now, was perfect, and this street lamp, right now, was perfect, and this cloud pattern in the sky, right now, was perfect. Everything seemed equally divine. There was no waiting for something “better” to happen.
Everything was “best.”
This seemed like a whole new world. The world where everything was perfect just as it was. Later, I’ve found that every mystic of every religious stripe experiences the world this way: it’s all God, it’s all beautiful, even if so called “painful,” and it’s all perfect.
And a couple of times more, listening to Beethoven and the heaven of his music, or wandering around East Palo Alto and seeing the beauty of every rose and tree and wet weed grass.
And once, this perfection and beauty spilled into a feast of gratitude: for Beethoven, for the musicians, for the orchestra, for the recording, for the tape recorder, for the electricity coming into the tape recorder, for the dynamo in the mountains that generated the electricity, for the discovery of creating electricity
And then something else helped, another piece of luck and expansion of what the mystery of life was all about. It turned out “the now” was always here, not just in a magical drug experience. It was a book! A friend (same one who’d “tripped” with me the first time) had invited me to a study group, in which we dove into a rather intricate book on Gestalt Therapy. Some fancy theory, exciting of course, and then the “real deal:” some very straight ahead “exercises.”
Action to take.
Not just words explaining other words.
This was their games as if were.
The first game was this: “For three minutes, simply start every sentence with “Now I am aware…” and finish it with the truth of what you are aware of. Skip thoughts. Skip emotional explorations. (Later on that). Just sensations and observations without commentary or judgment in the present.
And so let’s start today, taking advantage of this miracle of the present:
No waiting around. You can do this right now.
No “right place” to be. You can do this wherever you are, right now.
Awareness Game #1: “Now I am Aware.”
Set a timer for two minutes. (If no timer with you, you being lucky/ smart enough to be away from the Great Distraction of a smart phone… just guess two minutes)
Start a series of sentences with “Now I am aware….”
Say them aloud, or very quietly if whatever place you are in demands that.
No judging or commentary, just the facts.
Do it and see what happens.
If you have a partner around, do this together, taking turns listening to each other explore the would of “now I am aware…” And then then share what you noticed doing this.
If you are doing this alone, jot down here, or it an “observations journal” what you noticed and liked about doing this.
You might even have a gratitude or two the occurs to you from this time in the present. If so, write them in your gratitude journal.
Let’s make this a little more vital.
Most people, when they finally do get out of all their inner chatter, and actually into the present, are still mainly above the neck.
What we see and what we hear is vastly important to our species.
And…. ten percent of the weight of our body is in our head.
There is more.
WE ARE FULL BODIED CREATURES.
WE HAVE ARMS
There is a wonderful saying I’ve brought into my teaching and learning lexicon in the last several years.
The saying is this: NO BODY = NOBODY.
This is a saying from a Chinese energy system, a five thousand year old Chinese energy system that I’ll recommend in day seven as one of your ten possible “super-power liberation & happiness” pathways. This system has been brought to the West by a Western MD and surgeon, Dr Barry Morguelan, who practices in LA, lectures around the world, and teaches training seminars in Austin, Texas, detailing many aspects of this 5000 year old system. His amazing website is EnergyForSuccess.org. Go there for breathing exercises, amazing blogs, interviews with people such as Tony Robins and Dave Aspery, courses you might take advantage of.
The “About” tab has some great opening introduction to how “Dr. B,” as we call him, discovered and deeper into this system. The Blogs have shortened forms of various of his three hour lectures. The products page is somewhat endless, but there is almost always a great deal on a “breathing exercise” which is a guided visualization that helps deepen and reset your “energy” to a more happy and healing and younger and effective “vibration.”
It’s all a bit mysterious.
And back to the joy of being present in our body, in this now, this moment. This real body in which we are conducting our life. Either we know we are “here,” or we don’t.
NO BODY = NOBODY. Mull this over for a bit, without “thinking” about it.
A sly and easy to remember reminder that when we are lost in our heads, forgetting that big list of all the body below our neck, then there is no one really home.
If you want to be somebody in Your Body, here is a great way to wake up to how much of us there is.
The game will be to say now I am aware in three layers.
Life is Being Present Game #2: Three Layers of “Now I am Aware.
Set a timer for two minutes, or guess it.
State one “Now I am aware….”
And pick something below your waist:
The feet or toes. Where they are. What they feel. What is the sensation of them.
Legs, pelvis, ankle, knee, hips.
State the next, “Now I am aware…”
And pick something above your waist and below your neck.
Belly, breathing, ribs, arms, fingers, hands, stomach, spine, elbows, wrists.
Sensation, shape, what they are touching, heat of cold.
(No complaining. No judging. Just the facts: My left hand is resting on my left knee and feels the material of my pants.)
Now state a “Now I am aware…” that comes from the head layer.
Neck, skull, face, tongue, breath coming in and out your nose or mouth, smile or not, what your eyes see, your ears hear, your nose smells.
Then go back down to the bottom layer, “Now I am aware….”
Then the middle, “Now I am aware….”
Then the top layer, “Now I am aware…”
And back again, always starting closer to the Earth, around and around, visiting and aware-ing into your life and body right now in your full and amazing fullness.
The next game turns this into a game of connection and deepening. The third pathway of liberation is TOUCH. Touch is the foundation of lust. Touch is crucial to being a mammal.
Touch is a way to be present in one of its most simple and safe forms. If it’s simple enough.
And this is plenty simple: just holding hands.
With a partner: great.
With a good friend: great.
With a child or parent: great.
Here is another game towards the delight of sex twice a day or more.
Sex often gets waylaid in being so oriented to the genitals. We will actually improve this a little later with a non-reciprocal stroking of the woman’s clitoris, but even here, the goal will be for both to be aware, in the moment, of the effects of this THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE BODY.
For starters though, for making out, for hugging, for just laying in bed naked together and exulting in whatever touch is happening, the practice of awareness throughout your whole body is immense.
Let’s start at a very simple level: touch plus awareness in three levels.
Being Present Game #3—- Touching your Partner’s Face
Being aware of three levels
Set the timer for five minutes.
Stroke, caress, explore, massage your partner’s face for three minutes.
Each person keep awareness:
One, at the point of contact
Two: in all three layers of the body… below the waist, and in the middle layer, and at the top, the face level, where there will be a lot of awareness
For the one touched.
But each person: the toucher, too, notice bottom, middle and top level as you caress/ massage/ explore
Then shift and go five minutes the other way
Again both people noticing all three levels
When done, just rest and breathe a bit.
TALK A BIT, SHARE A BIT HOW VALUABLE EVEN THIS SMALL AMOUNT OF SLOWING DOWN FEELS TO YOU AND YOUR LIFE.
This can now be one of your two touching options each day.
Will this lead to better sex?
Will this lead to more sex?
Will this lead us out of the misery of no body = nobody?
An Overview: Ten Liberation and Happiness Pathways
Who is this book for? You if you’ve gotten some traction in the last three days.
This book, most simply, if for those who want to live as rich and present and wonderful a life as possible with another person.
Here are the pathways that this book offers for awakening love.
One: Gratitude and Goals opens the door to Love
Two: Touch begins the road to fabulous sex
Three: Only when we are present are we really alive, to ourselves and to our partner
Four: Don’t Believe Your Own Thinking begins to set you Free
Five: Real learning = Trying out and Noticing Differences; Brain Plasticity at almost any moment
Six: Nature is a path to God that is far more available than we usually realize
Seven: “The Energy” / Flow/ The Glory of God… this it Life at its Core, waiting for us
Eight: What to do with “the energy”… be happy and write goals
Nine: Happy, healthy and horny. If that the life for you?
Ten: Save the World as a natural part of a Good Life
Day Four: Clearing the Way for “Enlightenment:”
We are all crazy/
Don’t Believe Your Own Thinking
Here is some sad but true news: we are all crazy.
Here’s is some liberating and amusing news: we are all crazy.
We love someone, and we obsess about how they need to change.
In spite of a lifetime of evidence, we imagine we are blameless and that any trouble is “Your fault.”
We call the kettle black: other people are selfish, or inconsiderate, or rude or any one of the traits that we drift (or plunge) into when we fall into our own moments of stress or forgetfulness or foolishness (or tiredness or assholeness).
Alas: We are so SURE that if so and so would just straighten up, all would be well in the world.
If they would just CHANGE all would be good again. Of course, that we might change our behavior or our own thinking or our own beliefs, this doesn’t occur to us.
Usually is the kicker.
We aren’t perfect. We are all assholes sometimes.
The sooner and the easier and the more humorously we can catch our fall into the “you are to blame, just fix yourself” mode, the sooner we can laugh and love and be free again. To NOT forgive is the swallow the rat poison and hope the other person dies.